Woman doesn’t know how to tell her 30-year-old friend that the reason she’s single is that she comes on too strong: ‘I'm starting to get sick of hearing about it because the answer is so obvious to everybody but herself’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Sep 25, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Let me hold your hand when I say this…

Sometimes the only alternative is to tell your friend the truth, even if it hurts them. It's our opinion; it doesn't have to be the most universal fact ever known to men, but if we care for our friend, it's ok to try to say it.

When we're going through a hard time, like the woman from this story, we might think we're doing the best we can and other people are to blame for our failings. Precisely because we fail to see our implication in whatever's happening to us, we need an honest friend by our side.

We should all destigmatise desperation. Society sends the message that we are running late for love from the minute we turn 27, and then expects us not to be desperate by 30 if we still haven't found the one. It's only natural to feel that, and we should create safe spaces to talk about it so it doesn't take over.

It's true that desperation can scare someone away, but the solution isn't to be just as desperate and force ourselves not to show it; a third option is to find a way to not feel desperate at all. That's where good friends come in, and good friends should tell us the hard truth if they think they can help us, because they prioritise our long-term well-being over short-term discomfort.

You can always phrase a declaration like this as an opinion, because that's what it is in the end, and try to make it as soft as possible without sugarcoating it. In the end, it will be our friend's choice to take it or reject it, but we've done our part and offered to help through the process.

At least, that's what I would like my friends to do if they saw me struggling with an issue that's part of my responsibility without me knowing it. Would you do the same?

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    'Why do I get ghosted?'

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  • How do I (30F) tell my friend (30F) the reason she's single is because she reeks of desperation and needs to work on herself and expectations before dating?

    My friend does nothing but complain that she's single and hasn't been laid in years. She's on every dating app known to man. Every time she gets a match she gets
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • really excited that she has a match, comes across really strong and gets unmatched. Or, she has a first date and at the end her date says they just want to be friends, then don't speak to her again.
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • Now I, and everybody else knows they're just letting her down gently. We have told her this over and over again. But every couple weeks she gets way too attached to someone new,
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • pushes them away and it's like a mini breakup. She never learns. I have even tried guiding her through conversations. with new matches but it
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • was like pulling teeth. She has these stupid rules like: No double texting Wait at least an hour to reply Reply to every last detail in the message
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • Don't type more than they have Each one took an hour to convince her it's a stupid rule, that nobody notices or cares about these
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
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    The friend showing her Hinge matches

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  • things unless it's an absolute extreme, like sending 20 messages back to back, or writing war and piece to them. I gave up with this idea because even after writing
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • replies for her, she would eventually take over, otherwise they're talking to ME through HER. Every time I "passed the controller" she instantly came on too strong again.
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • I'm starting to get sick of hearing about it because the answer is so obvious to everybody but herself. I don't know how to tell her without sounding like a complete b 1. She's an
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • amazing person, but I miss my friend who I used to do everything with. Now It's a chore to see her because all she talks about is being single.
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • I want to be a good friend and help her but I feel like I have done all I can without just straight up saying the problem is herself, and I don't know how to do that without losing a friend I've had for 20 years.
    via Lucy_B_NSFW
  • SarcasticAnd ⚫ Therapy. She's clearly got an attachment issue. Your help will only mask the problem. And then they will leave as soon as the mask comes off.
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  • meekonesfade I have a friend whi didnt get married until her late 40s. She ignored every bit of advice, so we stopped giving input beyond "oh, good!" or "what a shame." to this day she blames the long wait on other factors that have little to no bearing on her previous situation.
    via meekonesfade
  • confusedrabbit247 It's not your job to fix her or get her dates. I would just tell her you aren't interested in hearing about her dating woes. You both need to grow TF up.
    via confusedrabbit247
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    Finally pointing out where she came on too strong

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